Kirby: Don't let summer, bowling balls fired from cannons burn you
In addition to being highly attractive, my wife possesses a fine intellect, good taste and civic obligation. It’s not entirely her fault that she’s married to a guy who has none of these traits. Case...
View ArticleKirby: Slow the flow of H2O
The thirstiest I’ve ever been was during a shooting trip in the West Desert with Bammer, when our car broke down in the middle of nowhere. We were stuck there with half of a bottle of flat, warm Pepsi...
View ArticleKirby: Evil pollen's killin' my sinuses
Robert Kirby took the day off to blow his nose. This is a reprint of an earlier column. Allergy season officially began at 3:17 in the morning. In my dream, the attractive Amazons who had captured me...
View ArticleKirby: Parenting never ends
Some people believe all sins are recorded in Heaven, and that come the Judgment Bar we’ll all have to own up to them. That might be true today. I was raised in an age commonly known as “B.C.” That’s...
View ArticleKirby: Looking for the right stuff with the wrong thing
Digger is moving. Now that he’s retired, he’s thinking of going somewhere that doesn’t get much snow. I suggested he stay in Utah. We get less snow every year. Pretty soon we’ll get none. But he’s...
View ArticleKirby: Give with a little scream
In the journals of my Mormon pioneer ancestor is a meticulous account of tithing paid to the LDS Church. Cash-strapped and starving, Korihor Kirby made his offerings “in kind.” Here’s how it worked....
View ArticleKirby: Happy Mom's Day to a babe
By the time I was old enough to leave home, I thought I understood the basics of motherhood. I had spent 18 years being raised by a mom, so I knew what was involved. In my mind, being a good mother...
View ArticleKirby: New laws in Zion
Nearly 400 new laws go into effect today. If you break one of them, that’s OK. The Legislature has asked me to let you know that you’re not expected to get them right immediately. This grace or...
View ArticleKirby: The forgiving nature of Heavenly Mother
I’ve always believed in a Mother in Heaven. The possibility isn’t something I ever studied, fretted about, or even bothered to debate with anyone. What would be the point? Short of debating the merits...
View ArticleKirby: Getting lucky with the wrong music
I wasn’t a fan of Gordon Lightfoot in the early ’70s. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t aware of his work. Anyone who listened to the radio for more than 10 minutes back then didn’t have a choice. In...
View ArticleKirby: The name of the game is fun
Even though I don’t care for sports, I never miss my granddaughter’s early Saturday morning volleyball games. I wouldn’t get out of bed that early for free tickets to the Super Bowl. I don’t even know...
View ArticleKirby: Reading scripture behind the lines
One of the most singular things to me is the utter lack of humor in holy scripture. I’ve read the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Quran, and even Scientology’s Dianetics. Not a bit of intentional mirth...
View ArticleKirby: Loaded and locked with zero tolerance
Given the educational standards of today, I’m happy to have received my formal schooling in the ’60s. It’s the only reason I can think of as to why I have a high school diploma. Had I gone to school...
View ArticleKirby: A cemetery is like a library full of stories
Robert Kirby took the day off to observe Memorial Day. This is a reprint of an earlier column. Wandering through Mount Olivet Cemetery in Salt Lake City last month, I spotted a small granite...
View ArticleKirby: Watch out for the clowns
An 11-year-old girl in Georgia was recently charged with bringing a knife to school. It wasn’t to protect herself from gang members, sexual predators or even a Kardashian. Nope. She was terrified of...
View ArticleMiscreants like me need to know -- what's new in cop tech?
St. George • I spent two days at the Utah Sheriffs’ Association conference. It was an eye-opening experience even without the embarrassing part where I slammed my thumb in the bolt of a new Glock G43....
View ArticleKirby: Avoiding the God dogfight
In yet another venue for debating religious differences, former Mormon John Dehlin and LDS scholar Patrick Mason are jousting with each other on a blog titled “Mormonism Inside and Out.” Exactly what...
View ArticleKirby: Mormons know how to conference the hell out of things
Several weeks ago, I showed up for church and no one was there. Not even the Holy Ghost. It was just me and a sack of treats for my nursery kids, all alone in the parking lot. First, I made sure that...
View ArticleKirby: Putting my parents in their place
The moment we all had been waiting for took place Saturday. My siblings and I drove our aged parents to an independent living center, kicked them out, and sped away high-fiving each other. We were...
View ArticleKirby: Tis already the season for Christmas revenge
Today is Oct. 1. Where did 2016 go? It slipped away so quickly, leaving us aghast at the inalterable fact that it’s just 85 shopping days until Christmas. Panic is completely understandable. We’re now...
View Article