Kirby: Green shirt, no tie -- should be no problem in Mormon church
A few months after returning from my LDS mission, I was invited to attend the ward of a pre-mission friend. He went to Alaska, I went to South America, and we hadn’t seen each other since. When I...
View ArticleKirby: There's a gulf between me and the homeless -- and I'm making it wider
I’ve never been homeless for more than 72 hours at a time. This doesn’t qualify me as an actual street person, because I always knew that eventually I had someplace to go. Whenever I did feel...
View ArticleKirby: Winter is coming -- time to rotate the bowling balls and bury the bodies
There was frost on my windshield Thursday morning. Real frost. Not the kind that disappears when the windshield wipers come on. I had to get out and laboriously scrape viewing slits with my keys. It...
View ArticleKirby: Wait -- there's still a chance the devil can win?
I watched the leaked LDS Church tapes until I got bored, maybe 10 minutes tops before the videos took on all the charm of a high council sacrament meeting. This was not what the initial hype led me to...
View ArticleKirby: Clinton and Trump are both bad -- but Trump is worse
Let me get this out first. I am no fan of Donald Trump. Not only will I not vote for him, it bothers me that molecules that he may have once exhaled might accidentally touch people I love. This does...
View ArticleKirby: The Internet never forgets
In 1965, a 59-year-old section hand for the Great Western Railroad was arrested in Wendover for murder. Melvin J. Hurley made an offhand remark to a longtime friend that unraveled his world. It turned...
View ArticleKirby: Why not elect Mormon leaders?
Last week in church, the bishop of our LDS ward read a letter from the first presidency, encouraging us to take part in the election of the next U.S. president (and assorted other ferrets). Most...
View ArticleKirby: You can't go home again
It was every bit as enjoyable as I had hoped. Tuesday was my parents’ last day in the house they dragged us to in 1970. It was difficult for them to pack up their belongings and move to an independent...
View ArticleKirby: There's nothing a little soap can't %#@*& teach you
When I was 10 years old, I called my younger brother an [deleted]. He carried this to the Old Man, who immediately summoned me into the house where he was fixing the washing machine. Him: “Do you know...
View ArticleKirby: I'm God-fearing, not church-leader-fearing
For reasons almost certainly particular to my own psychology, I’m not worried about LDS Church leaders. What? No, not even the really important ones like apostles and prophets. They’re guides,...
View ArticleKirby: The future never looks bright
As the days of my LDS mission wound down in April 1975, I started thinking about my future. It seemed a good idea, given that most of the authority figures throughout my life suggested I probably...
View ArticleKirby: Finding a new doctor is bad for my health
When this newspaper was purchased by Paul Huntsman, a vast sense of relief settled over the newsroom. No longer was our survival in doubt. Hope blossomed. We were previously owned by a New York hedge...
View ArticleKirby: If there's a Mormon mafia, I want in
Fox Business Network personality Lou Dobbs posted Saturday this statement about presidential contender Evan McMullin on Twitter: “Look Deeper, He’s nothing but a Globalist, Romney and Mormon Mafia...
View ArticleKirby: What's in your time capsule?
When Gov. Gary Herbert opened the time capsule removed from one of the columns at the State Capitol last month, the contents were disappointing. Cutting open the 100-year-old copper box revealed...
View ArticleKirby: Getting punched isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to my eye
When I was a cop, I got punched in the eye one night while wearing hard contact lenses. My eyeball suffered a slight cut that turned it the color of a maraschino cherry. The injury, while painful,...
View ArticleKirby: Why haven't I been excommunicated yet?
Except for a few years in the ’70s, I have followed the tenets of Mormonism more or less (mostly less) faithfully my entire life. I’ve been a missionary, a welfare worker, EQ president, member of a...
View ArticleKirby: We elected a moron -- we elected ourselves
I’m writing this on Tuesday, Election Day. It’s 10:36 in the morning. I imagine the polling places are filling up. How fortunate I am to not be going. I already voted. A ballot was mailed to my home...
View ArticleKirby: Don't let your garbage ruin your life
On one of the last days of sixth grade, I watched a classmate empty a large collection of folded notes from her girlfriends into the wastebasket. Most of them were folded into those origami triangles...
View ArticleKirby: Don't worry too much about the election -- most of us are going to hell
In the 20-plus years I have worked for The Salt Lake Tribune, ownership of the paper has changed several times. Each transfer of power has been cause for concern on my part. What if the new owners...
View ArticleKirby: Things are changing, but staying the same
I’ve always loved history. Not the exhaustively researched and analyzed events like the Civil War, Renaissance, Ming dynasty or the Bronze Age. I’m not even all that keen on dinosaurs. I’m more...
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